[But before you get your hopes up for lots of baby pics, we have decided to keep face photos of our sweet pea to our private social media accounts for now.]
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share this story, mostly because it’s obviously very personal. But at the same time, if my story can in anyway help other women or first time moms mentally prepare for what’s to come, I wanted to share. So in that spirit I wrote side notes through out the story that have some educational tidbits for mama’s to be! (Notes for my first time prego friends in [italics]. :)) I also didn’t get too graphic just because those details don’t really feel apart of the story, but I did go there with some of the FAQs.
On July 28th, 2019 - our whole world changed forever! Sweet baby James came into our world after about 21 hours of labor. He was unexpectedly large, 9 lbs 4oz and about 22 inches long! It was love at first sight. That’s the summary. A more detailed story follows…
Before bed the night my water broke! My last prego mirror selfie. Almost 41 weeks.
It was a beautiful Friday evening in late July, and at 6 days past his due date, we had given up on our little man coming on his own. We were convinced we would need to use our scheduled induction date that wasn’t for a few days (FYI it was July 30, hoping for a July 31st bday, ahem, like Harry Potter). We had eaten a lovely dinner al fresco (ahh dreaming of summer rn!) at our local Italian joint with my parents and were in bed by 11. I am so thankful for the early bedtime, because a long day was ahead of us. [Note: I said early bedtime and I laugh at that now, 8:30 is a proper early bedtime for us all these days lol]
At around 2:58 am I was up going to the restroom (as one does who is 41 weeks pregnant) and on my way back to bed, my water broke! We ate some Cherrios [note: eat before you go to the hospital- they won’t let you eat when you arrive, and who knows who long that will be!] and by 3:45am we had made it to the hospital and were chilling in triage. I wasn’t having any contractions yet, so my husband and I were just having a party. Playing music, getting excited to meet our baby boy within 24 hours! [Note: once your water breaks, the doctors want the baby safely delivered within 24 hours because there is a higher risk of infection after that point. Otherwise, we would’ve waited at home for the contractions to start. The way this happened is not actually most common.]
Sunrise over Lake Michigan from our room.
By 7 am we were moved up to labor and delivery with the most gorgeous view from our room. We watched the sun rise over Lake Michigan. It was a beautiful start to the day! I wasn’t very dilated at all, so they set up my IV and started the pitocin flowing to get things moving.
[Note: the one thing I really knew I didn’t want was an induction with pitocin- and that’s what happened. Childbirth is a lesson in surrendering control. It’s preparing you for the rest of parenting–you have to be ready to roll with the punches!]
Things progressed quite slowly, but the contractions were getting stronger and stronger. By about noon I was ready for an epidural. In my birth plan, I wasn’t positive how I felt about medicating, but I had done enough research to know that there really weren’t enough convincing reasons for me to not get one (IMO). I thought I may want to walk around, or give birth in a squatting position. I was also worried about not being able to feel my legs [note: that also apparently isn’t supposed to happen, but I had heard anecdotally it was quite common.]. I just wanted to see how it felt in the moment. Well in the moment, I had no interest in walking around or squatting (although I did try it when I was pushing- it was not nearly as great as I thought it would be!). I can say whole heartedly, I definitely wanted that epidural!
This is right after I got the epidural. The definition of blissed out.
My anesthesiology resident struggled with getting it in the right spot at first [note: that sucked. It took twice as long as it should’ve. My husband wasn’t allowed in the room. And I had asked to not have a resident and they still sent one. Stand firm in what you want. Unlike me.] but once it was properly in place, it was amazing. I was on cloud 9. It was the best I had felt since before I was pregnant. I was on the verge of tears I was so happy. I remember thinking that this is how childbirth should be- so happy, so much love. It was wonderful. It also allowed me to rest for the following 8+ hours and prepare for the hard part! I swear the only thing we did for the bulk of the day was watch SVU reruns. [Note: bring a laptop if you care about your entertainment. I loved the SVU reruns, but you won’t know what’s the hospital programming will be. It could be awhile.]
The dilating took forever. Around 10:30pm (almost 19 hours after I got to the hospital!), they told me I was finally ready to start pushing. I was feeling good. My doctor and nurses coached me through the proper breathing (I hadn’t taken any classes on that!) and we started to roll. I was doing great (albeit, I did feel like I was going to vomit when I pushed. But in the scheme of things it was pretty chill). I was doing so well, in fact, that my doc left to help another woman in labor who was struggling quite a bit more than me.
Sheer exhaustion and unbelievable happiness captured in one photo.
When she came back, the whole vibe had shifted. I was writhing in pain, and had completely stopped pushing. The pain was excruciating and getting worse and worse and so she decided to give me a full reboot on my epidural. The same resident came in from before, and he “reupped” me. It didn’t help. In fact the pain was getting worse. My husband played some Lizzo (my only request for my “birth mix”) and I begged him to turn it off. At that point the attending anesthesiologist came in and saw that in fact, my epidural had fallen out (!!!!!!). [Note: guys that is not supposed to happen. Ever. Also quite dangerous.] How the first guy missed it was beyond me. But regardless, my doc delivered the bad news that there was nothing they could do at this point to help with the pain. All I could do was to push. And somehow I gathered up all my strength and pushed! Oddly (or not so much), pushing helped the pain. It was like my body was rewarding me for doing what it was supposed to do. And at 12:42am on 7/28 our sweet baby entered the world!! It was such an incredible moment. I was beyond exhausted–so shaky from what my body had been through. And so overcome with emotion. My heart was exploding with love for this little human, so full of joy that he was here at long last, and overflowing with gratitude that we all were healthy and well.
It was definitely the hardest thing I have ever done. And by far the best. <3
FAQs
I’ve had a lot of people ask me follow up questions on my labor experience and some of the decisions I made. I will try to answer some of those here! *I am not a doctor!! Just sharing my own experience. Please do not take any of the following as medical advice.*
How did you decide on getting an epidural? After that horror show, Would you get one again?
As I mentioned above, I just wasn’t sure about it. I had done research on it, and felt comfortable with it from a safety perspective for myself and baby. Also as I said above, I wasn’t sure if I was going to want to move around, or squat, or any of it really. In the end I didn’t want those things, so the epidural made sense. From a more hippy perspective, I had read Alicia Silverstone’s book, The Kind Mama, and she talked about giving birth to her son without medication and how it was a primal sensation. And how connected she felt to her son through it. As someone who has now been through with the epidural and also without, I can say, I definitely felt more zen, connected, and at peace with the birthing process with the epidural versus without. For a while I definitely thought I would get the epidural again. But recently, someone pointed out that because it had fallen out there was a chance I could have been paralyzed… so coming from a place of fear, I may not do it for our next child.
Where were your labor pains?
Honestly, I think they were both in the front and in my back, but I didn’t feel them until after the pitocin kicked in. I’ll be honest, I don’t remember where they were at this point, just remember that they were painful and not fun.
Do you wish you had taken classes on breathing?
At the time, I was felt fine with how it happened. I did not feel ill-equipped. However, just recently I watched the GOOP Lab show on Netflix on the power of the Win Hof breathing technique, and I think it could’ve been a great back up since the epidural failed me in the end.
What did the water breaking feel like?
For me it was like a gush of warm liquid flowing down my leg. It was very obvious, because I had just gone to the bathroom- you just kinda know that it wasn’t a release that you are aware of. It’s almost like it is happening to you vs something you did yourself. The water kept coming too. I stuffed wads of paper towels in my underwear on the way to the hospital. I was luckily prepared for this because someone had warned me that it isn’t necessarily one gush and then its over. It can be for some people, just not in my case. Side note: most people actually have contractions before their waters break.
Did you have an Episiotomy? did you tear?
I did not have an episiotomy. My doctor and I both were in alignment about not going that route. My concerns were that sometimes they can go too far, and recovery would be worse than a tear. And I felt tearing was more natural and what our bodies anticipate. I did tear a bit, and they did have to give me stitches down there right after he was born. It was uncomfortable, but after the labor experience I was too exhausted to really be too bothered by it. Everything is very sensitive down there after giving birth. Ice packs are your best friend. I didn’t take any hard core pain killers, just a combo of heavy duty acetaminophen and ibuprofen. Also, stool softener. Because pushing down there is not fun for the first few weeks.
Were you able to breastfeed right away?
Yes. Within the hour after he was born he had latched and was nursing right away. We have been really lucky in that respect. It came naturally to us as a pair, despite the fact he has a tongue tie, which can make it harder on both of us.