Connection in a socially distant world (quarantine special part 1)

I’m not sure who is the originator of this meme, I just saw it circulating the internet, and thought it poignant. If you know the author, send me a note and I will credit!

One of my core desired feelings for 2020 (and for most years, really) is connection. Since I started working from home full-time (going on 3 years ago!), and now staying home with sweet baby James, I have been craving real-life interaction with other humans besides my husband and immediate family. So I am well acquainted with the stir-craziness the rest of the world is now just discovering. Pre-quarantine, I made a conscious effort to plan in-person coffee dates, lunches, and now kiddie-friendly mom and baby activities to alleviate the feeling of isolation. Without an workplace environment, it is a hard feeling to shake.

One of my long-distance besties and I have been debating this concept for a long time–we have increasing access to friends and family wherever they are located, but sometimes it seems like we are as disconnected as ever. We are “connected” through social media platforms, but do we really engage with our humans? Or do we just scroll and drop a “like” here and there? Sometimes I feel like I know what’s going on with friends and family because I’ve kept up with their posts on social media feeds, but we all know that is a poor gauge of really knowing what’s going on from behind the scenes. Your feed may be perfectly curated, but that rarely, if ever, shares the full picture. Furthermore, sometimes our devices are actually the cause of feeling disconnected from our loved ones. We are physically there, but our brains are occupato with whatever we are doing on our phones/tablets/or computers (see meme above!).

Cue global pandemic 2020.

With our new found reality, corona virus looming, and most people doing their part to socially distance themselves from their neighbors, we have found ourselves relying on technology to fuel our connection, almost exclusively. Technology is an amazing gift right now. While I do miss in-person interactions, social gatherings, restaurant eating, and the overall hum of city life– I’ve felt more in touch and connected to “my people” as ever.

This pandemic, keeping us housebound, has actually, in a weird way leveled the playing field. You know that one friend who has every day of the week scheduled with dinners and events?Or that friend with 2 small kids always making playdates and carting her kids to sports? Well, everyone’s schedules have now dropped off entirely. There is no social calendar, for work or play. Everyone is desperately seeking out connection in our isolation.

Some of my favorite humans, happy hour-ing. :) Laughter is the best medicine these days.

As humans, we are designed to be social. To interact with one another. And being socially distant is really hard! It is truly a wonder how we have been able to stay connected during this period of self quarantine and stay-in-place orders. I’ve been able to talk with my closest friends across the country, whether it be through FaceTime, Zoom, Marco Polo or just a normal phone call. Virtual happy hours with some of my nearest and dearest have been a highlight of my year so far, quarantine or no! You may have seen I shared on IG that my 88-year-old great aunt, Vita, did a live stream of her cooking a classic Italian supper, braccioli and gravy. What an amazing way to feel close with her from afar!

I think face-to-face interaction is what is really fostering the connection. Posting is great, but actually connecting in live time is so much better. I know I am far from alone in connecting with friends this way, but if you haven’t yet–it’s definitely worth your time!

Here are some ideas to connect during quarantine:

• schedule virtual happy hour/ coffee dates/ general catch ups with a friend (or many!), and actually put it on the calendar. It gives you something to look forward to! No excuses.

• spend your time on social media actually interacting. Don’t just like a photo. Leave a comment, send a message. Get a conversation going.

• Do a Facebook or Instagram live of something you are good at! Live like Aunt Vita! Share your expertise with the world!

• Do a watch party of your favorite show with your friends.

• Join a virtual book club or start one!

• If you are on your own, ask a friend or family member to have dinner over Facetime.

• Play JackBox Games over the tv in live time.

• Actually foster your relationship with the people you are quarantined with (whether it be roommates, spouse, family, etc.) Turn off the tv/ put down the phone. Play games, talk to each other!!

Some other sweet ideas in the new Jack Daniel’s ad below.

How have you found ways to connect during social distancing? Do you feel closer to your fellow humans these days, like me? Remember we are all in this together. Please stay safe, stay home, and if you do venture out–keep 6 feet apart from others! It’s all of our responsibility to prevent this virus from spreading! Cheers from afar! -AHS

Our Bohemian Nursery Tour

If you follow along on Instagram you may have noticed a change recently… my handle changed from @shed.for.the.wed to @shedwellness. Can we say hells yes to Shed for the Wellness!!! Because making “soulful, healthy, eating decisions” is not something that you do just to prepare for weddings. It’s what you do to fuel your life, whatever life stage you are in! As my life has evolved the topics we cover have grown too. More changes will come down the road, but as for now, think of the change as a way to encompass SHED living for all! Along those lines, I asked and you guys answered, you want more baby! Which leads me to our topic today– our nursery tour! While this may be a stretch from talking about healthy eats–beautiful spaces are good for the soul! Having a nursery you like to spend time in falls into the “Soulful” part of SHED! So without further ado, I hope you like it as much as we do!

---

I’ve had a lot of people ask me about the nursery and what were some of the key pieces that brought it together. I will be honest, it is still a work in progress. We were gifted some beautiful name art, but I have yet to get them framed! I’ve moved the chair and ottoman several times, so the art surrounding those corners could use a little facelift. But overall, we just are in love with the nursery!

We wanted James to have a beautiful, zen place to spend his time (um and mine!) and wanted it to feel like an extension of the rest of the home. I think we succeeded because now it’s our favorite room! While having a beautiful nursery is far from necessary, it definitely helps with my own zen. It helps me to have a space where everything goes, and it inspires me to keep up with all of the laundry! It’s actually one of the easiest places to keep clean in the house (for now! lol).

We hoped to create a mostly gender neutral room, but with some pops of color. We didn’t have a theme, but bohemian, earthy, eclectic is the vibe we were going for. I knew we needed a big new dresser because oh my goodness, SO MANY BABY OUTFITS. I’d been eyeing a campaign-style dresser and it works just perfectly.

Gemma Extra Wide Dresser from Pottery Barn Kids. Changing Basket from the Basket Bazaar. Sound machine/night light by Hatch.

My mother-in-law is the queen of rattan and she gave us a lot of these small details– the hanging basket on the wall, toy rattan chairs, little umbrella container, etc. We change up the shelves all the time, but I love having my grandmother’s Blessed Mother there. She passed right before I went to college, and it makes me feel close to her. Other items are things we’ve collected from our travels and art we’ve found at local art fairs.

Rattan mirror from Target.

I fell in love with rattan cribs when I was pregnant, and it really set the vibe for the rest of the room. However, they are NOT easy to find in the US. The ladies at Valentine and Co (based in Perth, Aus!) were super helpful in getting this gorgeous crib to us.

James has had so much fun in the macrame swing, since he has been able to sit up we use it almost every day! The Lovevery Play Gym has really been the most utilized of all of the nursery items- he plays there every day! And it really does grow with him.

That little book shelf was not supposed to be permanent, I found it headed for the trash outside our building. I cleaned it up, and I love reusing such a random piece–but we probably need something a little bigger.

Play Gym from Lovevery. You are my sunshine morse code art by Covert Design Co on Etsy.

Jute rattan crib from Valentine and Co. Stars and Moon mobile from Firefly in Love on Etsy. Canopy from World Market. Chair from Anthropologie (can’t link because they don’t make this print anymore).

Macrame Swing from Finn + Emma.

James used the Moses basket bassinet (now currently filled with stuffed animals!) for the first three months in our bedroom. We loved it’s low profile and how it fit so well with our room’s vibe. He can still sit it in, but he’s such a big boy, he’s really outgrown it lengthwise. Right now it is perfect for all of his soft toys!

The glider was probably the most challenging item for me to pick out. I really struggled with finding one that I liked aesthetically, but also was going to be comfortable. This one is beyond comfortable and it doesn’t look frumpy! I have spent countless hours feeding him and rocking him to sleep here, so I am so glad we prioritized comfort.

The sheepskin rug was actually in my nursery when I was a babe, so I love having it for James. The faux sheepskin stool my step mama made for me a few years ago and I love it. We use it as a side table.

Signature Bilia Bassinet and stand from Design Dua. Pup not included.

Glider and Ottoman from Wayfair. Rug from HomeGoods.

So that’s it! Our sweet little man loves his bohemian-chic, rattan paradise (okay and so does his mom!). What do you think? How are you designing your nursery for your little one?

Cheers -AHS

The Birth Story of our Sweet Baby James

[But before you get your hopes up for lots of baby pics, we have decided to keep face photos of our sweet pea to our private social media accounts for now.]

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share this story, mostly because it’s obviously very personal. But at the same time, if my story can in anyway help other women or first time moms mentally prepare for what’s to come, I wanted to share. So in that spirit I wrote side notes through out the story that have some educational tidbits for mama’s to be! (Notes for my first time prego friends in [italics]. :)) I also didn’t get too graphic just because those details don’t really feel apart of the story, but I did go there with some of the FAQs.

---

On July 28th, 2019 - our whole world changed forever! Sweet baby James came into our world after about 21 hours of labor. He was unexpectedly large, 9 lbs 4oz and about 22 inches long! It was love at first sight. That’s the summary. A more detailed story follows…

Before bed the night my water broke! My last prego mirror selfie. Almost 41 weeks.

It was a beautiful Friday evening in late July, and at 6 days past his due date, we had given up on our little man coming on his own. We were convinced we would need to use our scheduled induction date that wasn’t for a few days (FYI it was July 30, hoping for a July 31st bday, ahem, like Harry Potter). We had eaten a lovely dinner al fresco (ahh dreaming of summer rn!) at our local Italian joint with my parents and were in bed by 11. I am so thankful for the early bedtime, because a long day was ahead of us. [Note: I said early bedtime and I laugh at that now, 8:30 is a proper early bedtime for us all these days lol]

At around 2:58 am I was up going to the restroom (as one does who is 41 weeks pregnant) and on my way back to bed, my water broke! We ate some Cherrios [note: eat before you go to the hospital- they won’t let you eat when you arrive, and who knows who long that will be!] and by 3:45am we had made it to the hospital and were chilling in triage. I wasn’t having any contractions yet, so my husband and I were just having a party. Playing music, getting excited to meet our baby boy within 24 hours! [Note: once your water breaks, the doctors want the baby safely delivered within 24 hours because there is a higher risk of infection after that point. Otherwise, we would’ve waited at home for the contractions to start. The way this happened is not actually most common.]

Sunrise over Lake Michigan from our room.

By 7 am we were moved up to labor and delivery with the most gorgeous view from our room. We watched the sun rise over Lake Michigan. It was a beautiful start to the day! I wasn’t very dilated at all, so they set up my IV and started the pitocin flowing to get things moving.

[Note: the one thing I really knew I didn’t want was an induction with pitocin- and that’s what happened. Childbirth is a lesson in surrendering control. It’s preparing you for the rest of parenting–you have to be ready to roll with the punches!]

Things progressed quite slowly, but the contractions were getting stronger and stronger. By about noon I was ready for an epidural. In my birth plan, I wasn’t positive how I felt about medicating, but I had done enough research to know that there really weren’t enough convincing reasons for me to not get one (IMO). I thought I may want to walk around, or give birth in a squatting position. I was also worried about not being able to feel my legs [note: that also apparently isn’t supposed to happen, but I had heard anecdotally it was quite common.]. I just wanted to see how it felt in the moment. Well in the moment, I had no interest in walking around or squatting (although I did try it when I was pushing- it was not nearly as great as I thought it would be!). I can say whole heartedly, I definitely wanted that epidural!

This is right after I got the epidural. The definition of blissed out.

My anesthesiology resident struggled with getting it in the right spot at first [note: that sucked. It took twice as long as it should’ve. My husband wasn’t allowed in the room. And I had asked to not have a resident and they still sent one. Stand firm in what you want. Unlike me.] but once it was properly in place, it was amazing. I was on cloud 9. It was the best I had felt since before I was pregnant. I was on the verge of tears I was so happy. I remember thinking that this is how childbirth should be- so happy, so much love. It was wonderful. It also allowed me to rest for the following 8+ hours and prepare for the hard part! I swear the only thing we did for the bulk of the day was watch SVU reruns. [Note: bring a laptop if you care about your entertainment. I loved the SVU reruns, but you won’t know what’s the hospital programming will be. It could be awhile.]

The dilating took forever. Around 10:30pm (almost 19 hours after I got to the hospital!), they told me I was finally ready to start pushing. I was feeling good. My doctor and nurses coached me through the proper breathing (I hadn’t taken any classes on that!) and we started to roll. I was doing great (albeit, I did feel like I was going to vomit when I pushed. But in the scheme of things it was pretty chill). I was doing so well, in fact, that my doc left to help another woman in labor who was struggling quite a bit more than me.

Sheer exhaustion and unbelievable happiness captured in one photo.

When she came back, the whole vibe had shifted. I was writhing in pain, and had completely stopped pushing. The pain was excruciating and getting worse and worse and so she decided to give me a full reboot on my epidural. The same resident came in from before, and he “reupped” me. It didn’t help. In fact the pain was getting worse. My husband played some Lizzo (my only request for my “birth mix”) and I begged him to turn it off. At that point the attending anesthesiologist came in and saw that in fact, my epidural had fallen out (!!!!!!). [Note: guys that is not supposed to happen. Ever. Also quite dangerous.] How the first guy missed it was beyond me. But regardless, my doc delivered the bad news that there was nothing they could do at this point to help with the pain. All I could do was to push. And somehow I gathered up all my strength and pushed! Oddly (or not so much), pushing helped the pain. It was like my body was rewarding me for doing what it was supposed to do. And at 12:42am on 7/28 our sweet baby entered the world!! It was such an incredible moment. I was beyond exhausted–so shaky from what my body had been through. And so overcome with emotion. My heart was exploding with love for this little human, so full of joy that he was here at long last, and overflowing with gratitude that we all were healthy and well.

It was definitely the hardest thing I have ever done. And by far the best. <3

---

FAQs

I’ve had a lot of people ask me follow up questions on my labor experience and some of the decisions I made. I will try to answer some of those here! *I am not a doctor!! Just sharing my own experience. Please do not take any of the following as medical advice.*

How did you decide on getting an epidural? After that horror show, Would you get one again?

As I mentioned above, I just wasn’t sure about it. I had done research on it, and felt comfortable with it from a safety perspective for myself and baby. Also as I said above, I wasn’t sure if I was going to want to move around, or squat, or any of it really. In the end I didn’t want those things, so the epidural made sense. From a more hippy perspective, I had read Alicia Silverstone’s book, The Kind Mama, and she talked about giving birth to her son without medication and how it was a primal sensation. And how connected she felt to her son through it. As someone who has now been through with the epidural and also without, I can say, I definitely felt more zen, connected, and at peace with the birthing process with the epidural versus without. For a while I definitely thought I would get the epidural again. But recently, someone pointed out that because it had fallen out there was a chance I could have been paralyzed… so coming from a place of fear, I may not do it for our next child.

Where were your labor pains?

Honestly, I think they were both in the front and in my back, but I didn’t feel them until after the pitocin kicked in. I’ll be honest, I don’t remember where they were at this point, just remember that they were painful and not fun.

Do you wish you had taken classes on breathing?

At the time, I was felt fine with how it happened. I did not feel ill-equipped. However, just recently I watched the GOOP Lab show on Netflix on the power of the Win Hof breathing technique, and I think it could’ve been a great back up since the epidural failed me in the end.

What did the water breaking feel like?

For me it was like a gush of warm liquid flowing down my leg. It was very obvious, because I had just gone to the bathroom- you just kinda know that it wasn’t a release that you are aware of. It’s almost like it is happening to you vs something you did yourself. The water kept coming too. I stuffed wads of paper towels in my underwear on the way to the hospital. I was luckily prepared for this because someone had warned me that it isn’t necessarily one gush and then its over. It can be for some people, just not in my case. Side note: most people actually have contractions before their waters break.

Did you have an Episiotomy? did you tear?

I did not have an episiotomy. My doctor and I both were in alignment about not going that route. My concerns were that sometimes they can go too far, and recovery would be worse than a tear. And I felt tearing was more natural and what our bodies anticipate. I did tear a bit, and they did have to give me stitches down there right after he was born. It was uncomfortable, but after the labor experience I was too exhausted to really be too bothered by it. Everything is very sensitive down there after giving birth. Ice packs are your best friend. I didn’t take any hard core pain killers, just a combo of heavy duty acetaminophen and ibuprofen. Also, stool softener. Because pushing down there is not fun for the first few weeks.

Were you able to breastfeed right away?

Yes. Within the hour after he was born he had latched and was nursing right away. We have been really lucky in that respect. It came naturally to us as a pair, despite the fact he has a tongue tie, which can make it harder on both of us.