Be Still. (Quarantine Special Part 3)

I have been reading one page a day of Morgan Harper Nichols book, “All Along You Were Blooming: Thoughts for Boundless Living”. I flipped open to this page today. Too perfect to be coincidental!

“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”

-Blaise Pascal

Quarantine has been a very strange time, indeed. One of the things many people are struggling with is the absence of activity. We are so trained to be diverted in our every day lives, that this has really thrown us for a loop. Over the past few weeks people have really found creative ways to fill their new found time. And honestly, I think most of it is really great. From making banana bread from scratch, connecting with loved ones, crafting, reading, and moving our bodies, I think people are really searching for the good in this situation. We have found new routines, new grooves to our day to day lives, even though we are at home. I love that people are so into perfecting their wellness habits right now. (Keep drinking that water, cooking at home, and moving your bodies!) That being said, I really do feel that this was a wake up call from the universe telling us be still and learn how to be present.

This is a spiritual opportunity that rarely comes around. I mean let’s be honest, this is a first in most living people’s lifetime. Now is a great time to reflect and confront some of life’s serious questions. It’s great to reflect on where you want to go, and I think this is a great time for that too, but do you know how to just be? Meaning, “being” without creating, moving, being successful? Do you know you are worthy of everything in this world, and not because you earned it? You are a child of God (creator/universe/whatever word resonates with you), made of the same elements of the stars. You are infinite in your essence, in your soul. And you don’t need to accomplish anything in order to be worthy of living an extraordinary existence. Truly, your worth is not tied to your accomplishments. Let’s say it one more time for the people in the back, “YOUR WORTH IS NOT TIED TO YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS!” We are worthy just for existing.

Woah, I just went there on you. I know, that is a lot to process. But I had to say it. Because we need to hear it and it is just not said enough. Maybe go back and read that last paragraph again before moving on.

So how to just be in daily life? My number one tip is to meditate. Take 5 minutes, sitting with your eyes closed, and focus on the breath (or the sounds around you if that is easier for you). When you pause like this, it allows you to be conscious of the present moment. That is my number one objective for you after reading this. I know that is easier said than done. We have so much resistance to just sitting and being still. I wrote a post on meditation you can find here. I hope it will help you get started. In addition, on Instagram this week we have been doing a mini-meditation challenge. Please join us.

Most humans are never fully present in the now, because unconsciously they believe that the next moment must be more important than this one. But then you miss your whole life, which is never not now.

- Eckhart Tolle

In addition to meditating, here are some of my recos for creating stillness in your life:

• Schedule time away from your phone. Full stop.

• Go out in nature (if you are able to do so safely with separation). Observe the birds, the trees, the animals. Sit quietly in nature. Feel free to be still or contemplate the meaning of life.

• Put time on your calendar daily for stillness.

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So there is creating stillness in your life, and then there is also taking advantage of this pause to ponder some of the bigger questions of your life, and life at large.

One of the things I’ve been doing is working through “The Journey Journal” from Vosges Haut-Chocolat maker, Katrina Markoff. (I would link it here but I think it only comes with a very pricey chocolate set - I received as a gift! There are lots of great journals out there like this though.) In some ways this may feel contrary to stillness. But in the stillness we are sometimes able to see the bigger picture of our lives more clearly. I would only do this after you have added stillness into your life.

The journal gives some great prompts that I have been processing when I have a quiet moment here or there. Some of the following are from her, some are my own:

• Do you feel in alignment in your life?

• What would you shift?

• What is the purpose of your life?

• What is your relationship with God/ the universe like?

• How do you want to grow as a person?

• If you could change the world or your community in one way–what would you do?

• What are you willing to desire?

• What are you willing to experience?

Reflect on these questions, if it suits you. Now is a great time if you can. If not, that’s fine too. I hope that you choose to focus on stillness and being in the present moment. There is no past, there is no future. There is only right now. The past is just memory. The future is just anticipation of your mind. Only right now exists. This is really hard to fathom, especially with us all in quarantine, but I think it may be even more important to process right now because of that very fact. As it is Holy Thursday, I will leave you with this:

“Be still, and know that I am God!” - Psalm 46:10

Disconnecting to Reconnect (Quarantine Special Part 2)

This is my first stab at embroidery. I used a kit from Sarah K Benning. I highly recommend. I hadn’t done any sewing since I was a girl scout, so this was a great for beginners!

While connecting during this time (and always!) is super important– knowing when to disconnect is maybe equally important. We could all become zombies from staring at our devices too long. Holding our own boundaries is even more critical during this time. In my last post, I mentioned how everyone’s social calendar instantly freed up with quarantine. Just because we could be connecting with friends and family all of the time, doesn’t mean that we should. Don’t squander the moment to do something for yourself! Whether it is more self-care time, starting a new hobby, or just reading a book, this time is rare and precious (even it feels like we have an abundance of it right now!). Don’t let social media or even binge-watching consume you. Schedule time to disconnect from it all and reconnect with yourself.

Also, this may sound privileged, and… it is. If you have the ability to do these things right now, it is absolutely a gift. I know everyone is different in their amount of free time right now: many people are working from home, many have lost their jobs, and many are still working out in the world (shouts to our healthcare workers, police officers, military, etc!!!). These are difficult times, and so many people are struggling. It is okay to not feel okay right now. I hope these ideas will help you feel a bit more normal and happy during this weird time. [If you think you are struggling with depression, I know many therapists are scheduling virtual sessions right now. Please seek help from a professional. <3] My ideas for disconnecting from our screens, and reconnecting with yourself follow:

Making fresh meals can be inspiring, and uplifting, I swear!

• Set an intention every day. It could be the same thing, or you could try to change it up. It could be one “must do” on your “to do” list or it could be a feeling. Just pick something that will make you feel good, or accomplished.

• When you do interact with social media, make it count. Try to not just scroll infinitely. Try to engage with the posts, and really connect with people. Don’t spend too much time on it.

• Get outside, even if it is cold, for a walk or run, or anything (BUT PLEASE KEEP YOUR 6 FEET OF SEPARATION!). Nature can be so restorative. So is a little sunshine and vitamin D.

• Read books. Whether it be a novel or something that gets your creative juices flowing, start tackling that reading list! Books can take us to other worlds and spark passion even in the weirdest of times (ahem… right now!).

• Have a living room dance party. In the words of Tay Tay, just “shake it off!”. It will help you immediately feel better!

• Start a new craft or hobby– I just tried embroidery for the first time over the past couple weeks and I loved it (photo above). I see more projects in my future. Other ideas: painting, knitting, scrapbooking, digital photography, baking, gardening, yoga, writing, puzzles or even legos! Let your hearts be free to explore! Pick something that really speaks to you and you can get excited about.

• Or reignite an old passion–did you once have a hobby you loved but fell away from it because life became too busy? I’m thinking about that guitar sitting in the corner…now is your time to start again!

• Cook. I know this falls under the category of hobby, but I think it deserves a separate bullet point. Cooking right now is so important. Spending time learning how to make food that is healthy and delicious is worthy of your time. Healthy eats will keep you feeling good!

• Create a new nightly or morning ritual. Up your skincare routine, take a bath, or even journal. Use this time to get your healthy habits in place!

• Try a new exercise activity–so many fitness studios/instructors are live streaming and creating downloadable classes. I posted several of my favorites on Instagram (they are saved under my highlights). Take advantage of it!

• Slow down, be still. Learn to sit with yourself and feel your emotions. This is also known as meditation. :) See my post on meditation here. More on this to come.

Overall, use this time to help feel more in tune with yourself, not less. We may be stuck at home, but it doesn’t mean we can’t make this time remarkable. Stay safe, friends. -AHS

And the people stayed home. And read books, and listened, and rested, and exercised, and made art, and played games, and learned new ways of being, and were still. And listened more deeply. Some meditated, some prayed, some danced. Some met their shadows. And the people began to think differently.

And the people healed. And, in the absence of people living in ignorant, dangerous, mindless, and heartless ways, the earth began to heal.

And when the danger passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses, and made new choices, and dreamed new images, and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully, as they had been healed.

- Kitty O’Meara

Connection in a socially distant world (quarantine special part 1)

I’m not sure who is the originator of this meme, I just saw it circulating the internet, and thought it poignant. If you know the author, send me a note and I will credit!

One of my core desired feelings for 2020 (and for most years, really) is connection. Since I started working from home full-time (going on 3 years ago!), and now staying home with sweet baby James, I have been craving real-life interaction with other humans besides my husband and immediate family. So I am well acquainted with the stir-craziness the rest of the world is now just discovering. Pre-quarantine, I made a conscious effort to plan in-person coffee dates, lunches, and now kiddie-friendly mom and baby activities to alleviate the feeling of isolation. Without an workplace environment, it is a hard feeling to shake.

One of my long-distance besties and I have been debating this concept for a long time–we have increasing access to friends and family wherever they are located, but sometimes it seems like we are as disconnected as ever. We are “connected” through social media platforms, but do we really engage with our humans? Or do we just scroll and drop a “like” here and there? Sometimes I feel like I know what’s going on with friends and family because I’ve kept up with their posts on social media feeds, but we all know that is a poor gauge of really knowing what’s going on from behind the scenes. Your feed may be perfectly curated, but that rarely, if ever, shares the full picture. Furthermore, sometimes our devices are actually the cause of feeling disconnected from our loved ones. We are physically there, but our brains are occupato with whatever we are doing on our phones/tablets/or computers (see meme above!).

Cue global pandemic 2020.

With our new found reality, corona virus looming, and most people doing their part to socially distance themselves from their neighbors, we have found ourselves relying on technology to fuel our connection, almost exclusively. Technology is an amazing gift right now. While I do miss in-person interactions, social gatherings, restaurant eating, and the overall hum of city life– I’ve felt more in touch and connected to “my people” as ever.

This pandemic, keeping us housebound, has actually, in a weird way leveled the playing field. You know that one friend who has every day of the week scheduled with dinners and events?Or that friend with 2 small kids always making playdates and carting her kids to sports? Well, everyone’s schedules have now dropped off entirely. There is no social calendar, for work or play. Everyone is desperately seeking out connection in our isolation.

Some of my favorite humans, happy hour-ing. :) Laughter is the best medicine these days.

As humans, we are designed to be social. To interact with one another. And being socially distant is really hard! It is truly a wonder how we have been able to stay connected during this period of self quarantine and stay-in-place orders. I’ve been able to talk with my closest friends across the country, whether it be through FaceTime, Zoom, Marco Polo or just a normal phone call. Virtual happy hours with some of my nearest and dearest have been a highlight of my year so far, quarantine or no! You may have seen I shared on IG that my 88-year-old great aunt, Vita, did a live stream of her cooking a classic Italian supper, braccioli and gravy. What an amazing way to feel close with her from afar!

I think face-to-face interaction is what is really fostering the connection. Posting is great, but actually connecting in live time is so much better. I know I am far from alone in connecting with friends this way, but if you haven’t yet–it’s definitely worth your time!

Here are some ideas to connect during quarantine:

• schedule virtual happy hour/ coffee dates/ general catch ups with a friend (or many!), and actually put it on the calendar. It gives you something to look forward to! No excuses.

• spend your time on social media actually interacting. Don’t just like a photo. Leave a comment, send a message. Get a conversation going.

• Do a Facebook or Instagram live of something you are good at! Live like Aunt Vita! Share your expertise with the world!

• Do a watch party of your favorite show with your friends.

• Join a virtual book club or start one!

• If you are on your own, ask a friend or family member to have dinner over Facetime.

• Play JackBox Games over the tv in live time.

• Actually foster your relationship with the people you are quarantined with (whether it be roommates, spouse, family, etc.) Turn off the tv/ put down the phone. Play games, talk to each other!!

Some other sweet ideas in the new Jack Daniel’s ad below.

How have you found ways to connect during social distancing? Do you feel closer to your fellow humans these days, like me? Remember we are all in this together. Please stay safe, stay home, and if you do venture out–keep 6 feet apart from others! It’s all of our responsibility to prevent this virus from spreading! Cheers from afar! -AHS

5 Ways to Practise Self-Love from Bridal Coach, Georgina Lucy

Georgina Lucy. Photo by Ashley Kingsbury.

Today’s post is a special guest share from Mindful Bride Coach, Georgina Lucy! I love her thoughts on this topic. Please note I left the post written in her delightful British English. Enjoy! -AHS

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I get it, as a bride you want to look and feel your very best for your wedding day.  You’d be hard pushed to find a bride who doesn’t want this. With this being an important goal for so many brides it can also bring up challenges. By focusing on what you want to change about yourself it can lead to unhelpful and often quite punishing self-talk and that’s no fun!

I want to help you turn this on its head and practise some self-love during your engagement, whilst staying committed to your goal of looking and feeling your best come the wedding day. I promise you, these two things are perfectly compatible.

1. See yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you

So often we are our own worst critics. We look in the mirror and see all our perceived flaws and fixate on them. We give ourselves a hard time when we make mistakes and put insane amounts of pressure on ourselves when we’re not ticking things off the ‘wedmin’ to-do list fast enough. It’s exhausting isn’t it?

Have a think about all the people in your life who love you. Hopefully you have a few special people to pick from. Take a moment to put yourself in their shoes. See yourself through their eyes.

What do they love about you? What little quirks make them smile? What parts of you do they adore the most? Really feel that love they feel for you. When we see ourselves through the eyes of someone who loves us it can feel a little more comfortable than looking in the mirror and chanting, ‘I love you’ (don’t get me wrong, there is a place for that too).  Hopefully this will allow you to see yourself in a loving way. Tap into this feeling next time you’re giving yourself a hard time.

2. Be careful what you consume

Do a social media audit. What’s dominating your newsfeed? Does it make you feel good? Often, we follow ‘aspirational’ accounts and people to give us something to aspire to but is this making you feel good? If it is, then great but really question the impact certain accounts are having on you. Do you notice a shift in energy when a particular person pops up on your feed? Really notice these shifts and don’t be afraid to hit ‘unfollow’ or ‘mute.’  Believe me, it can feel very empowering!

By consuming content that lifts you up and nurtures you you’re being kind to yourself and this is a huge act of self-love. What podcasts make you smile and make you feel good about yourself? Listen to more of them. We have a lot of ‘dead time’ in life – travelling, loading and unloading the dishwasher, sorting laundry. Use this time to absorb anything that makes you feel good about yourself. Some of my go-to feel-good podcasts are, Oprah’s Super-Soul Conversations, Project Love and Wobble.

3. Be Obsessively Grateful

As I said before, we tend to fixate on what we don’t like about ourselves don’t we? What about fixating on what we love about ourselves instead?

Think of just one thing that you’re grateful for about your body. For me, it’s my long legs. I used to hate being tall and felt like a freak when I was head and shoulders above my school friends but now, I’m so grateful for my long legs. They carry me through my day, get me from A to B, and often rather speedily! Not everyone can say that. Maybe you have incredible skin, beautiful long eyelashes, strong arms. Believe me, you have multiple parts of yourself you can feel gratitude towards, if you let yourself.

Really focus on that feeling of gratitude. Notice how it feels and sit with it a while. Simply the act of noticing things to be grateful for shifts your mindset and sooner or later, when you look in that mirror, your mind will go to the good bits first.

4. Let yourself off the hook

When you’re planning a wedding, it can become ALL about the wedding, ALL of the time. If this creates feelings of pressure and overwhelm rather than feelings of excitement give yourself permission to take a break.

One of the brides inside my Facebook community, The Mindful Bride Tribe was feeling totally behind and overwhelmed. The solution wasn’t to work out how to fit yet more tasks into every ounce of spare time she had, it was the opposite. She let herself off the hook and had a weekend off.

When we’re not doing what we think we should be doing, we can beat ourselves up can’t we? Just like your mobile phone, you need a recharge once in a while. How about a wedding free weekend? A date night free from wedding chat?  Time spent doing things that light you up? I bet when you come back to it you’ll have a new lease of life to tackle that to-do list like a boss!

It all starts with giving yourself permission to do what feels good for you. Listen to your body and if there’s signs of stress, that’s a clue you need a break and letting yourself off the hook is such a wonderful way to show yourself some love.

5. Write a love letter to yourself

Get quiet, put on some lovely music, get a pen and a notebook and write a love letter to yourself. If you find yourself staring blankly at a page then think about how you’d support a friend who needs some words of wisdom? Treat yourself as you treat those you love.

If you’re stressed, anxious or under confident give yourself advice about what steps you could take to ease that pressure. Don’t give too much thought to what you’re writing. Just let it flow out of you. It may feel hard at first but persevere. This is just for you. There is no judgment and you may just find you have some real breakthroughs.

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Find out more about Georgina and how she is supporting brides with their wedding wellbeing by visiting her website georginalucy.com, or joining The Mindful Bride Tribe Community on Instagram or Facebook.

Your body is beautiful

I’m sharing this photo as an act of self love. Even though I see my faults, I also see a strong healthy woman!

I was having coffee with a friend last week and I had a realization that I have a low tolerance for talking about weight loss. Upon reflection, I think that’s because no matter what your shape or size is, I truly think you are beautiful no matter what your size is. And obsessing and following extreme diets and exercise regimes to change you… well it upsets me, to be honest. While that may sound contrarian to what my name implies; “Shed” for the Wed, is really about making Soulful Healthy Eating Decisions. It’s so much more than seeing a certain number on the scale.

I’ve made it very clear that I am not about counting calories, weighing food portions, or restricting whole food categories for an extended period of time. I want to teach you how to eat healthfully to make you feel your best on the big day–but more importantly for the rest of your life! And that requires making healthy living sustainable for the long term.

But while you are learning about healthy eats (which will in 99% of the time help you lose weight if that is your objective), I want you to know you are already “wedding ready”. You are a radiant human just as you are right this very moment. If you have a hard time believing that–as so many of us do–I want you to be actively working on loving your body. By showing love for your body, you are showing love for yourself, and when you love yourself, you can truly love others fully and without judgement. And isn’t that what life is all about?

Another incredibly important point–when you love your body you have a healthy relationship with food. You don’t look at cake with disgust or with lust (okay maybe sometimes with lust 😂), but it is neutral. There will always be options that are healthier and options that are less healthy. Foods do not have the labels of “good” or “bad”.

All of this is easier said than done. This work does not happen overnight. Sometimes it can take years of our lives to decondition ourselves from the years of torment we (and society) have placed on ourselves. I’m for sure still working on it, and probably will be for a long time! I’ve compiled some easy actionable tips to start you on the right path:

1. Look in the mirror and say something nice about what you see once a day (at least!)

2. Eat vegetables and fruits. By feeding yourself nourishing foods, you are honoring yourself and showing your body love.

3. Whenever you think a menu item is “bad,” active try to change your mindset in that moment to that it is neutral. Bonus points if someone orders it and you eat some!

4. Meditate. Take 5 minutes out of your day to just be.

5. Move your body joyfully. Turn on the happiest song in your Spotify library and have a dance party for one. Or ride your bike outside. Whatever it is, make sure it puts a smile on your face.

What are you doing to show your body some love this week? Leave me a note below or on Instagram/Facebook! With love, AHS

Finding balance: How to Juggle Healthy Eating, Exercise, Insanely Busy Work Life, a Seemingly Endless Social Calendar, and Planning a Wedding!

If you read this headline and got very excited, well, I’m sorry to disappoint. Before you keep reading looking for the solve, know that there is no miracle solution to finding balance. “Work-life balance” is a myth. You just have one life. Work is a part of that life. It reminds me of what they used to say about working mothers– “she wants to have it all!” well the reality is you can’t have it ALL. Something will always feel like it is out of whack in some capacity. But what you can do is find routine and ritual to keep what matters most to you moving.

I decided to write this post because one of the most put together people I know was one of the people requesting it. If I couldn’t ask her to be a guest blogger on this topic, I was fairly certain there isn’t a clear answer.

This is coming from someone who searched for the answer for years! I remember my first real job out of college. I was working super late every night and really it was my first time really living on my own. I always felt too tired for the gym or to cook when I got home. I ordered takeout nonstop. I craved balance so badly. I kept saying there had to be another way. Well I can tell you, that led me to quit said job and move to another continent for a year in search of a better way of life. And I can say I learned a lot in that one year from the way that the Aussies live their lives in work and play. But moving to another continent is not really an option for most people, nor is it desired! The real question is how to make the life you have right now feel more ideal.

Here are my 3 steps to help you reclaim “balance” in your life.

1) Determine what feels off to you

If you are searching for balance that implies that something is imbalanced. Do you just feel like you are struggling to reach your goals? Do you feel exhausted with your current lifestyle? There is a tool I use with my one-on-one coaching clients called the Circle of Life. It helps you identify where you feel off in your current day-to-day life. What’s amazing is that it can change entirely from one week to the next. But it’s a great place to start if you are struggling to identify what feels off in your day to day. I’ve included it here for you, just because! Note: it includes a variety of facets to life. Those may be applicable to what comprises your circle, or you may need to make an adjustment to fit your life! Ask yourself, “what does balance mean to you?”

Do the exercise and see where your gaps come up for you right now!

2) Set a goal (or not)

Once you are clear on what is off, you can move forward deciding with what is most important that you would like to change. If goals are your thing, you could make yourself a goal to help correct the imbalance. Sometimes I feel like setting goals for everything takes away their power, so I would most likely give myself some weekly objectives (in my world they are different!) I would like to aim for.

An example of my weekly objectives: exercise 4x/week and meditating daily. I have check boxes in my planner for them both. I don’t always hit them, but that is okay too!

If it is something you really care about, you need to make it a priority. If you don’t really want to make it a priority, think about why that is. Maybe it’s that you feel like you should do something, but in your heart, you just don’t care. THAT IS 100% OKAY! But don’t beat yourself up about not working out everyday if it’s not something that you really don’t have any interest in prioritizing.

3) Be Prepared

Now that we are clear on where our imbalance lies, and what we would like to change, now it’s time to make sure it happens. If you have a typical 9-5 the weekend is a great way to get on top of it. Carve out time for yourself during the weekend or whenever your off days are. It’s easy to load up on social events, but make sure you have time for a bit of productivity. I have one friend who says “Sunday’s are sacred”– and it’s become my favorite phrase! For many people it’s meal planning and doing cooking for the week on Sundays. For others it’s plotting out and signing up for their work out classes for the week. Make that time a part of your ritual and then the Sunday scaries become empowering!

I’ll be honest with you, this step is my weakness. Because I work for myself, I’ve just gotten good at doing things that matter on the fly, and that works for me. I wouldn’t aim for that, but know that success looks different to everyone.

As I am all about the healthy eats, I will tell you the number one way to ensure success is to prepare in advance. The Shed nutrition plans have meal plans built in for 8 weeks. If you use one weekend day to really make meals in advance and portion things out for the week, you will be on the right track from the very beginning of the week! It’s all about making that a priority, if that is what matters to you!

Allowing for grace

For me, living intuitively within my body is the goal. I listen to my body and give it room to process. This goes for eating (I eat mindfully, and try to listen to the cues my body gives me) and exercise (if I’ve worked out 3 days in a row, and my muscles are telling me they need a break, I give them a break!). But it also is a part of the bigger picture in my life. Sometimes life is going to be madness, and you need to step it up to make everything come together. But then, you need to allow for time to recoup. We live in a world where productivity is the metric of living a successful life. We’ve been trained to think that way, but really, there is more to life than checking off every item on your to do list. If you don’t make it to the grocery store because you are spending time with people you care about and having meaningful connections with them, then you know what, I would consider that more productive than meal prepping for the week! It all comes down to what really matters to you. And depending on your phase of life this can fluctuate.

Why I love working with brides is because they have a definitive time frame to when they would like to reach their goals. They are highly motivated in the moment that they find me! That being said a bride’s goals and mindset is not the same as a new mother’s, etc. Each phase of life you are in, a new balance becomes clear. Allow yourself to be comfortable in the place that you are in right now!

There isn’t a one size fits all answer

Every individual has their own, unique set of challenges. This is why I have a coaching business and not just online programs that run without me. Because at the end of the day, finding that balance in our day to day lives is hard! Sometimes you need someone there to help you deal with your particular set of circumstances (the Shed platinum program is the best for this!). Following a program works for some people, but other people have more challenges that they need to overcome in order to reach their goals. Your experience is unique to you, and your job is to find what a balanced healthy lifestyle means in the context of your life!

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So what does living a balanced life mean to you? Where do you prioritize your time? I want to hear! Leave me a note below or on Insta/FB. -AHS

A Guide to Taking a Break from Booze

A lovely sparkling water, with a dash of cucumber shrub and splash of simple syrup.

I always thought that when I became pregnant, I was going to hate not drinking. I don’t think I drink very much compared to the general population, but I enjoy the social component that accompanies drinking and I love an occasional glass (or 2) of red to unwind during the week. Spoiler: it hasn’t been that hard!

If you are considering skipping booze before the wedding this post is for you! The second month of the Shed program is booze-free. While it is not required for longer than a month, I highly recommend skipping booze for the few months before your wedding. It will really bring out that bridal glow! Below, I’m sharing my experience and tips on skipping booze from over the past few months!

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Day-to-Day Sans Alcohol

In general I wake up with more energy. I can only imagine how wonderful I would feel if I wasn’t pregnant (AKA not waking up in the middle of the night to pee every night and the general exhaustion that goes along with it!). In all honesty, I think that most of the benefits of not drinking are somewhat compromised by pregnancy symptoms (for me at least)– so non-prego brides-to-be take advantage of this time! More on this in section 3!

While I do miss the occasional relaxed buzz vibe from a nice glass of shiraz, I really have been amazed at how little it has affected my overall enjoyment of social events. I’ve been to several large parties and weddings sober now and have been able to really enjoy them. Here is how I have taken them on to maximize my enjoyment:

• I always carry a drink- preferably similar to what I typically drink. Like a soda water with a splash of cranberry (all I’m missing is the vodka!). Before I was showing, people had no idea, and I even felt like I was drinking with them. My mom was laughing at me on the dance floor at a wedding, still holding my drink. Holding a drink, alcohol or not, is a part of my party persona and it really makes me feel like my normal self. Pro tip: ask the bartender to use the same glass that they are serving alcoholic drinks in especially if you are not public with you news yet! It can be a dead giveaway (I’ve busted several friends this way!).

• The above works until the witching hour- which is now what I refer to the period of time when everyone’s eyes begin to glaze over and don’t make sense anymore. That is now the time I know its time to GTFO. It’s no longer fun when your people don’t make sense. I find that leaving around 12:30 on average is probably the best call.

• I also have been able to chill at crazy bars and have an amazing time, but at the end of the day it comes down to the company! I don’t need to be drinking to enjoy hanging with my friends!

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What to drink

It is really nice to find any beverage besides water to drink - it can be really boring drinking water all day every day (including sparkling!).

If you are shedding for the wedding, you’ll want to avoid sugary mocktails:

• Go for soda water with a splash of juice of your choice.

• You can always add a dash of cucumber shrub (vinegar based flavor) or a tiny bit of bitters to change things up. But it’s really easy to overdo it! Gotta keep it in very small amounts!

• If you want an extra caffeine boost- unsweetened iced tea is great and looks like it could be boozy.

• You can enjoy kombucha just make sure the sugar content isn’t higher than 4g.

If you are shedding for the preg, all of the above works but be mindful, kombucha can have trace amounts of alcohol, so be mindful about your consumption. Feel free to enjoy those mocktails, but treat them as a dessert and enjoy them on occasion. Just don’t make them habitual.

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Sober but still having hangovers

Oddly, I haven’t stopped getting hangovers! What?! How is that possible you say?

Well, what I’ve learned is that what I always thought was a standard hangover is a combination of either 2-4 things:

1. Dehydration

2. Fatigue

3. Previous high sugar consumption

4. Alcohol

Typically it just takes 2 (of the 4) to make it feel like a hangover. Obviously, #4 isn’t an issue for me right now, but if three happen, I’m really in trouble. So my number 1 objective is to drink enough water consistently throughout the day so I don’t need to drink a lot before bed. Number 2 objective- I now get like 9 hours of sleep- yeah I know that’s a luxurious amount. If I have less than that it’s problematic. I chalk it up to growing a human. But that being said this is why I feel like I’m hungover all the time. It’s hard to get that 9 hours. Lastly, I try not to overdo the sugar. It’s very easy to do if you are not being 100% active in keeping it down. Added sugars are in everything, and then if you are allowing for a treat most days, it can add up and really negate all of those positive benefits from skipping the booze!

If you are shedding for the wedding, added sugars are out and probably won’t need quite as much sleep. So hopefully, if you drink enough water, you should feel “hangover”-free, energized, and fabulous!

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Overall, I think I may be choosing to skip the booze even after baby arrives! What do you think? Are you sober curious? Let me know if you are tempted to take a drinking hiatus or if you have any questions on the drink-free life! -AHS

Thoughts on a Healthy Marriage

In all fairness, everyone looks happier on vacation. :) (Roma 2018)

I am by no means a marriage expert. But in honor of Valentine’s Day, I decided to share a quick little post on what a healthy marriage looks like to me! And while Conor and I are going on 5 years of marriage- we have been a couple since 2007 (😳) so we have learned and grown a lot together as people and in our relationship.

Understand your spouse for who they are and accept them unconditionally: the good the bad and the ugly. What I mean by this is that if you are married (hopefully!) you really know your spouse inside and out. If you fell in love, you know all of the wonderfulness they bring to the table. But let’s be honest, no one is perfect. We all have our shadow sides. And knowing the dark sides of your spouse isn’t a bad thing. Always try to bring out the best in them, of course, but also allow them to not be perfect. Accept their imperfections and love them for them.

Along those lines, don’t try to change their essence. This may sound obvious, but we all have a something unique we bring to the table. I’ll use myself as an example. I am often floating high above the clouds dreaming big. I have lofty aspirations. I’m a very woowoo Pisces who loves reading books on self-improvement. My husband is not into any of it (at least not in the same way!). But instead of trying to change me to be more like his practical self, he loves me for it (even though I’m pretty sure it drives him crazy sometimes!). Along the same lines, my husband loves sports (playing and watching) oh so much, and I couldn’t care less most days. But instead of trying to change that part of him I have leaned in to the most important games for him (Indiana University Basketball, in case you were wondering) and prepare myself with other things to do for other big games I can’t mentally care about. Obviously, we compromise- he would watch sports all day every day if he could, but instead we watch lots of other things that we both like (current favorites being Schitt’s Creek and Medici!).

Spend alone time together. Make time to recharge your relationship. Having a regularly scheduled date night will help keep things fresh and fun. It’s easy to have your weekends dominated by social plans with friends and family. But it becomes increasingly more important as you have less and less time for yourselves (yeah I’m talking to you young parents!). You need alone time in order to keep your bond strong and to feel connected. Related to that, it’s important to keep intimacy a priority. Yeah, I said it. It’s easy to let it slip away, but if you prioritize intimacy it helps your connection stay strong.

Lastly, remain independent. Remember you are an individual first and foremost. Don’t rely on your spouse to define you or fill every need you have. Friends are important. Family is important. Your spouse can’t be everything to you. Other relationships are important to our mental health too. I don’t expect my husband to understand all my woowoo inclinations- but I have a whole other tribe for that! Just like he has all of the bros to talk/play sports with. Take responsibility for your own happiness! It’s not your spouse’s job to make you happy. You make yourself happy and the rest will follow. If that isn’t romantic, than I don’t know what is! ;)

Happy Valentine’s Day! Treat your boo right today and every day! :) -AHS

Tidying Up Before The Wedding (written by a self proclaimed pack rat)

Conor and I live in a 2 bedroom condo. We’ve been in a relationship for 12 years and we’ve lived together for about 7 years. We’ve been married for 4. We have accumulated a lot of mess during that time. And mostly its stuff we don’t use or need. We literally still have things from college around our place. I feel like I’m always getting rid of things, but we are always at max capacity–and to be clear, this place really is the perfect size for the two of us. There is no reason for us to live this way.

So one of my goals of this year is to clear the clutter. Get rid of what we don’t need, use, or in the words of the great Marie Kondo, “spark joy”. I received Marie’s book, “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” as a gift a few years back. I started reading it, and was learning a lot, but stopped because without executing I felt like I wasn’t actually making progress. I ended up converting a few of my drawers to her signature trifold method, but they eventually were messed beyond repair- and TBH, without getting rid of {enough} stuff, it was hard to have space for everything.

This is an example of a the KonMari method trifold FAIL. Note: It is important to know the size of your drawers! Keep scrolling for “after” success pictures.

Fast forward to 2019– I was super sick the first week of the year, and during that time I binged “Tidying Up with Marie Kondo” on Netflix. And I know I am not alone. There are reports of thrift shops being filled to the brim with all the excess goodies inspired by Marie. I caught the bug and began the process. My goal is to complete the KonMari method by the end of Q1, freeing up space in our home, and setting up our good tidying habits for life!

If you are not familiar with Marie and her work, I will give you a summary but first– why should you tidy up before the wedding? You have so much going on in the months pre-wedding, why make time for this now?

Well, first and foremost, you are about to receive SO. MUCH. STUFF. Between bridal showers, bachelorette’s (often with a lingerie shower included), and just your general wedding registry, you are about to own more stuff than you ever have before. Yep. I said it. You are going to have more stuff than you ever have before!!! If you don’t live with your significant other, you are about to merge all of your stuff with another human. Don’t be like me and bring everything. You don’t need it. If you do live with them already, you are going to make room for your new goods! Lastly, having a clear, clutter-free space feels awesome. It helps your mind have space to think. You are approaching a new life phase- head in with a clear head!

The KonMari Method

I am not an expert at tidying. In any way (*cough, pack rat, cough*). So, I am taking my cue from the expert. Marie Kondo’s “KonMari Method” is a 5 step process. Instead of going room by room she goes by category:

1. Clothes

2. Books

3. Paper

4. Komono (Miscellaneous: includes kitchen items, bath, decor, office, cleaning, etc.)

5. Sentimental Items

I like this for several reasons- you have to take everything out of its place before you put it back in a more organized fashion. It forces you to deal with things that haven’t been dealt with in eons. I also like that you do sentimental items last. Like most things, tidying up is a muscle and you are building strength by going through the process. By the time you get to the tough stuff, you have built up the muscle. This is also why it’s important to do all categories within a relatively quick period. Otherwise you lose the strength!

This is my before picture. Does it give you anxiety?? It sure made me feel horrible. These are just my clothes- my husband’s are not included.

I am on the clothes section right now. I have done my tees, sweaters, pants, dresses, shorts, scarves, and bathing suits. I haven’t finished shoes, underwear, socks, jewelry, coats, belts, handbags, or hats. What I struggle with the most with getting rid of things is the nostalgia of it. Sometimes an old teeshirt will remind me of the best times in college or those were the jeans I bought when I studied in Italy. Marie encourages you to thank every item you give away. A lot of people laugh at this step, but it has been such a gift for me! I can say thank you and honor our time together- it helps me get through my sentimentality.

Another one of her criteria for all possessions is that they should “spark joy” for you. It is also really helpful when evaluating. That being said, there hits a point where you know (for example) your kitchen knife doesn’t spark joy, but you use it everyday. So then the question to ask is “do you want to bring it into your future?” - a great question for all brides-to-be!!

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This is just the beginning of my process and I am perpetually reminding myself that perfection is not necessary. I’m also hoping that this process will help break some of my sentimentality around objects– the less I care about them, the happier I will be! I’m really looking forward to getting to the Paper step (omg this is the worst for me) and kitchen! I cannot wait to get rid of a million excess water bottles and organize my drawers. 😂😂

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In summary, tidying up as you embark on your next phase in life will put you in an awesome position to start your marriage! What’s better than starting your journey will a fresh slate and a beautiful tidy home?!

If you are inspired to get started, I highly recommend you watch a couple episodes of Marie’s show on Netflix or buy her book. I will say, the show makes it really seem within reach. If you guys want to hear more about my tidying process, let me know and I’ll continue to post updates.

Happy tidying! -AHS

Intuitive Eating

Yeah, that’s me being a lovely example of not practicing mindful eating! Or am I? 3 bite rule?! Side note: I love the dapper groomsman strutting across the floor! Photo by Kristin LaVoie

Hello bride tribe!!

Today I wanted to talk to you about one of my favorite things to work on when I coach clients one-on-one, Intuitive Eating. Also, often referred to as “Mindful Eating,” it’s all about finding your own flow.

It’s interesting, because my coaching clients tend to fall into one of two camps. The first: “tell me what to do and I’ll do it” and the second, “I already know what to do but I have trouble executing.” In all actuality, both types of clients are desperately in need of more mindfulness in their own lives and routines. Client one is great at doing whatever they need to do to “see results”- and often times ignore their bodily cues. Client two may recognize their body cues more easily - but have a hard time finding the right rhythm of mindfulness in their day-to-day lives. Either way- we end up working on becoming more mindful and intuitive, especially in regards to consumption!

If you had a standard American childhood (I’m sure this applies to many places outside of America as well, but not sure where to draw the line, lol) you grew up on three main meals and then several snacks throughout the day. You may have dropped one or two of those as you grew up and life became busy and hectic- but I’m guessing you probably still think in terms of 3 meals a day (even if you’re consciously skipping one)! We have a societal routine of breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. It’s just what we do! And nothing is wrong with eating 3 meals–in fact, the Shed program is built around it! But the key here is - if you are having three square meals a day- are you actually hungry when you eat? Or are you forcing it? Are you starving by mealtime? Are you eating quickly to get all the food in on your lunch break? I often have three meals a day, but I listen to my body cues to tell me when to eat and how much. We need to tune into our bodies to figure out what it needs! Vs what it’s scheduled for.

But before we look inward, we need to clear out some of the bad habits that make it difficult to assess our bodily needs! It’s easier to follow your body’s cues when you aren’t exhausted, or surrounded by other people. For example, I am horrible at listening to it when I am at parties or around my mother (lol, seriously though), but I’m great at it during the work week when I’m predominantly by myself. The following includes some of the biggest culprits to preventing mindful, intuitive eating.

Basically, you want to avoid and break these habits:

emotional eating

Don’t eat when you are overly stressed, sad, or mad. 1) It’s hard to feel hunger (or it subsiding) when you are in extreme emotional states. 2) It can create a bad connection between food and emotion. You never want to rely on any substance to make feelings go away. This goes for wine too!

Eating because “it’s time to eat”

If you eat just because it’s lunch time but you are still full from breakfast, you are doing your body a disservice by eating. If you can, wait until you start to feel those hunger cues before starting the next meal. If work makes that tricky for you, try having small snacks on hand so that if you do get hungry and you are in a meeting you have something to hold you over.

Grazing

Similarly to above, grazing is a similar form of non-mindful eating. Have you ever been completely non-aware and you snap out of it when you are looking in the refrigerator? Boredom and eating just because are the opposite of mindful eating. Make sure you are actually interested in eating a snack before proceeding.

Technology at meal times

Eating while watching tv or looking at your phone is basically the death of mindfulness. It is very difficult to process what you’re eating when you are zoning out. It’s also a great way to get in the habit of eating dinner with your fiancé/e! Romance bonus points!

over eating because something is too delicious

By eating slowly, you will be able to listen to your hunger cues and not over indulge. If you are eating dessert- this is a great time to use the three-bite rule. Have three bites of the deliciousness and then stop. Most of the time, you will feel totally satisfied!

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Seriously, this work can take a lifetime, so don’t beat yourself up if you catch yourself doing any of those things. Pick one to work on for the next two weeks, and then once you feel good about it, add another one to your healthy habit to do!

Now that you’ve cleared out your anti-mindful habits, now it’s time to add in some of the good stuff!

Things to incorporate:

1-minute body scans

Before eating, take one minute and close your eyes, and focus on every part of your body, one part at a time, from head to toes. You will be able to identify if you are tense, or stressed, famished, full, bored, or tired (or anything else!). So many times we turn to food when we are looking for a distraction. This will help you realize if you actually are hungry or if you are just looking for something to pass the time. It is maybe the biggest step in becoming in tune with your body, and in turn your eating habits!

drinking lots of water

Many times we think we are hungry when in fact, we are just dehydrated! The cue is very often confused in the body! Water will make you feel great and will make sure you are tuning into your real hunger!

Eat slowly

Which also means, try to prevent extreme hunger when you can- because it is difficult to slow down when you are hangry! But when you slow down, you can fully appreciate all of the flavors of the wonderful meal you are eating, you will know when you are full, because your stomach will have time to communicate with the brain, you won’t overeat and you will enjoy more! What’s not to love about all of that??

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There, for sure, is an art to becoming more mindful and intuitive around your eating habits. And even if you are tuned in–it doesn’t always mean you listen! Mindfulness is a practice just like anything else. It’s not something that is easily checked off on your list of to dos. But, when you add the practice to your life you will be able to listen to yourself and know what you need. No long term coaching required. Once you find your own internal rhythm and know how to listen to your body, you will never have to go on a diet again! It is hands down maybe the best habit to get into for living a healthy lifestyle for the long run!

What are you going to switch up to have more mindfulness in your routine? Leave me a note below or on social! -AHS